Dec 29, 2007

Happy new year !!!

Dec 13, 2007

DARLING.. yeh hai India !!!

The govt received a proposal from a filmaker to make a film on Mahabharata....
and this is what they replied........

Government of India
Ministry of Human Resources Development
Department of Culture
Films Division

No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 23.6.07

Shri. B.R.Chopra,
Film Director,

Ref: Film story submitted by you, regarding financing of
films by Government of India, Your letter dt. 2.12.90

The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and
state that the Government has examined your proposal for
financing a film called ''Mahabharat'. The Very High
Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in
consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National
Commission for Women and Labour Commission, inaddition to
various Ministries and State Governments and have formed
definitive opinions about the script. Their observations
are as below:

1. In the script submitted by you it is shown that there
were two sets of cousins, namely, the Kauravas, numbering
one hundred, and the Pandavas, numbering five. The
Ministry of Health and Family Welfare has pointed out
that these numbers are high, well above the norm
prescribed for families by them. It is brought to your
kind attention that when the Government is spending huge
amounts for promoting family planning, this will send
wrong signals to the public. Therefore, it is recommended
that there may be only three Kauravas and one Pandava.

2. The Ministry of Parliamentary Affairs has raised an
issue whether it is suitable to depict kings and emperors
in this democratic age. Therefore, it is suggested that
the Kauravas may be depicted as Honourable Members of
Parliament (Lok Sabha) and the Pandava may be depicted as
Honourable Member of Parliament (Rajya Sabha). The ending
of the film shows the victory of the said Pandavas over
the said Kauravas. The ending may be suitably modified so
that neither of the Honourable Members of Parliament are
shown as being inferior to the other.

3. The Ministry of Science and Technology has observed
that the manner of birth of Kauravas is suggestive of
human cloning, a technology banned in India. This may be
changed to normal birth.

4. The National Commission for Women has objected that
the father of Pandavas, one Sri Pandu, is depicted as
bigamous, and also there is only one wife for the
Pandavas in common. Thereore suitable changes may be made
in the said script so that the said Sri Pandu is not
depicted as bigamous. However, with the reduction in
number of Pandavas as suggested above, the issue of
polyandry can be addressed without further trouble.

5. The Commission for the Physically Challenged has
observed that the portrayal of the visually impaired
character 'Dhritharastra' is derogatory. Therefore the
said character may not be shown as visually impaired.

6. The Department of Women and Child Development have
highlighted that the public disrobing of one female
character called 'Draupadi' is objectionable and
derogatory to women in general. Further the Home Ministry
anticipates that depiction of such scenes may create law
and order problem and at the same time invite strong
protests from the different women forums. Such scenes may
also invite penal action under SITA (Suppression of
Immoral Traffic Act), therefore they may be avoided and
deleted from the film.

7. It is felt that showing the Pandava and the Kauravas
as gamblers will be anti-social and counter productive as
it might encourage gambling. Therefore, the said Pandavas
and Kauravas may be shown to have engaged in horse
racing. (Hon. Supreme Court has held horse racing not to
be gambling)

8. The Pandavas are shown as working in the King Virat's
employment without receiving any salary. According to the
Human Rights Commission, this amounts to bonded labour
and may attract provisions of The Bonded Labour System
(Abolition) Act, 1976. This may be corrected at once.

9. In the ensuing war, one character by name Sri
Abhimanyu has been shown as fighting. The National Labour
Commission has observed that, war being a hazardous
industry, and the said character being 16 years old, this
depiction will be construed as a case of child labour.
Also there is no record of his being paid any
compensation. This may also be deemed to be violatory of
the provisions of The Child Labour (Prohibition and
Regulation) Act, 1986 and Minimum Wages Act, 1948. Such
references in the film may be removed.

10. The character 'Sri Krishna' has been depicted as
wearing a peacock feather. The peacock is our National
Bird and wearing dresses made from peacock feather is an
offence under the Wild Life Protection Act, 1972. This
may not be depicted

11. Smt Maneka Gandhi has raised very serious objection
for using any elephants or horses in war scenes, since
there is every scope for > mistreatment and injury to the
said animals. The provisions of the Prevention of Cruelty
to Animals Act, 1890 and Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
(Amendment) Act, 1960 would be applicable in the instant
case. Suitable changes may be made in the script to
address the objections raised.

12. In pursuance of the Memorandum of Ministry of Finance
regarding austerity measures, it is informed that in the
battle field sequences, only ten soldiers may be allowed
for each side. Also, all the characters may be shown to
have obtained a valid licence under the Arms Act, 1959 as
well as the Indian Arms Act, 1878. You are therefore
requested to modify the script along the lines indicated
above and resubmit it to the undersigned at the earliest.

Sd/- Under Secretary

Dec 6, 2007

a clock !!!

A clock that has only 9's in it.Having 9s does not make it special.... U can design a clock having only 9 with 9/9 (=1), (9+9)/9(=2), (9+9+9)/9(=3) and so on...
What makes it really amazing is the fact that... it has only 3 9s in each digit representation......

Nov 23, 2007

Man and Woman....

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,

The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,

woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,

The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,

The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,

The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,

The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...

While the women got STUCK to shopping.............

performance appraisal!!

I guess now most of you would be saying that happens in my office too !!!
That is a viagra for your tired minds.....

Nov 15, 2007

before and after marriage !!!


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: Read from bottom to top....

Nov 3, 2007

An office cubicle !!!

This is what happens when once in a year employees are allowed to decorate their cubicle ,the way they want !!!

Oct 24, 2007

a 5 minute MBA learning!

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 ....It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job,you might miss a great oppurtunity!

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.

" Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two assholes back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Oct 19, 2007

Hayden and Sreesanth!!

the less you know....

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,Work = Power multiplied by Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:

Work = Knowledge multiplied by Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = work divided by knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.

Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.

Oct 11, 2007

Gas release

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!!

I almost died!!!

Oct 10, 2007

a letter to Karunanidhi ....

This is from a blog written by Saravan on his blog...

Recently, there are some extraordinary statements from our great leader, Tamil Scholar & CM Kalaignar Karunanidhi.

A few Golden words from him ...
Who was Rama? What is the proof that he constructed a bridge? Was he an engineer? Where did he study?

According to Valmiki's Ramayana, Rama was a drunkard.

We never have the habit of hurting the sentiments of Hindus. I just told what was written in Valmiki Ramayana.

We never demanded that Ramar Sethu has to be demolished. All we need is "Sethu Project". We don't bother about alternate alignment.

Few questions arise from any common man's mind...

If Rama was not a real life character and only a Hero of a fiction story, why will any author depict the Hero as a drunkard ?

If Ramayana is only a story according to you, why do you take it so seriously that “Rama was a drunkard”?? If you say that you have quoted only what Valmiki has written about Rama, can someone quote what was written by Kannadasan in his book “Vanavasam”, about “Arasiyal Pramugar” and “Thullu Thamizh Thozhar”??

If Stalin has constructed so many flyovers, bridges and MK constructed roads, inaugurated IT Parks etc., they have a nice black granite board sculpted, marking the inauguration and the year. Will my grandson or great grand daughter ask whether MK and MKS are engineers ?? (Thanks : S. Ve Shekar)

If I read in History, "Ashoka planted trees and made many water tanks and ponds", does it mean that Ashoka was a “Engineer” or "Mesthiri" or "Sithaal"??

Are the finance ministers of the State Govt. are from IIMs or MBA Finance ?

Coming back to his proficiency in Tamil literature, according to "Ilangovadigal", Kannagi, to prove herself against the injustice happened to her and Kovalan, she tore away her breasts and threw it in the streets of Madurai, cursing that the entire city be burnt.

Some time ago, during the removal of Kannagi Statue from the beach, Columnist "Gnaani" wrote in a magazine, "for what mistake of their's the entire population of Madurai was burnt in fire?" and "why her statue is given so much of importance in Tamilnadu politics?"

Our Tamil Scholar replied at a function saying that Gnaani is "playing with fire by proking Tamil sentiments".

If MK has so much respect and regard towards Tamil sentiments, what respect he has towards national sentiments and traditional beleifs, either Rama lived or he is just a story.

Is "Silappadhigaaram", a much praised and much respected epic for you, a story or a true life?

Silappadhigaaram was brought to us by Ilangovadigal, again a saint, like how Ramayana was brought to us by Valmiki.

Considering that, you have really admired Silappadhigaaram and Kannagi, for having existed in Madurai ages back, may I request you to please clarify a few things... ?

1. If Kannagi existed, is that a right deed to burn the whole of Madurai, for a problem she had with only the Pandiya King ?

2. The king himself realised that he did a mistake, saying "Pon Sei Kollan than sol Ketta Yaano Arasan? Yaaney Kalvan!" and he himself died at the court hall, falling down from his throne. Then why should Kannagi go to the streets of Madurai and burn the whole city with her curse.

3. Ok. If it had happened because of her urge to take revenge on the land of the said king, how come a city like Madurai, which was one of the ancient cities ruled by so many great kings and so called well built and maintained city, can be burnt by a woman with just the words of curse ???? And do you beleive in that ??? And if you beleive that... please teach us some "Pagutharivu" which will be of some help for us while reading epics, so that we can differentiate between stories and the real characters.

Atleast the bridge can be built by engineers or mesthiris... but was there any university offering education like "Bachelor of Fire" or "Master of Destruction" in which Kannagi graduated? May be you can look at bringing in such subjects in our Universities. The people will appreciate you for bringing such new courses, and will confer you with titles like "Thee Kalvi Thandha Thamizhan" etc.,

And if you say that “Silappadhigaaram” is just a story and not a real incident…. Why do you show so much of interest on a fictitious character of the story, by protecting a statue???

Apart from all that, does “Pagutharivu” principles believe in Idols ?? If you don’t believe, then why many ‘Kanmanigal’ offer garlands to statues like ‘Anna’, ‘Periyar’ and alikes and close their eyes in a praying gesture? And whom do they pray? Do you advocate all that?

Am just a common man, a spectator. I am not inclined towards any political party here. I too believe in both Silappathigaaram and Ramayanam. I strongly believe that both Kannagi and Rama existed in this country. But after your statements, I would like to know how Kannagi can be accepted and Rama cannot be? And how Kannagi is a real character who came to Madurai for living along with her husband and Rama was just a story???

Suppose, when I read Silappadhigaaram, if there are any mentions about Rama or Ramayana in it, how should I take it? Should I think that Ilangovadigal has written about real characters like Kannagi and Kovalan and also quoted Ramayana - a fiction story??

Ayya, our whole country is driven by lots of sentiments and beliefs, right from stock markets to local auto rickshaws with a lemon hooked near front wheel.

1. We call the country as “Motherland”, and have an image or idol for her too.

2. Many rivers here are worshipped including Cauvery in Silappadhigaaram “Nadandhaai Vaazhi Kavery” you will remember better, as you penned dialogues for the film “Poompugar”

3. Many movies start with auspicious scenes or dialogues for the sentiment that it should fare better in sales (e-g) “Success! Success!” dialogue in Parasakthi, penned by you, again.

4. Many of our kings while going out to battle field, were wished by their wives with “Ratha Thilagam”, cutting their fingers and applying blood on the king’s forehead wishing him success (Sheer stupidity na??)

5. Many atheists respect the sentiments of their wives or children who believe in God. And they don’t want to show the same respect to other’s beliefs in society.

6. Pongal Thirunal is called Thamizhar Thirunaal. And Sun God is thanked on the day for giving good harvest. Will you say, all Tamils are fools to worship Sun as God ?

7. Many functions including the political and Government functions are inaugurated, lighting a Kuthuvilakku lamp. (can anyone say why?)

8. People wear “Pavazha Modhiram” (Coral stoned ring) on their left hand ring finger. Some, as an ornament and some based on beliefs. (we don’t know why you wear it!)

9. People throw away old fashioned black shawls and wear new yellow shawls (many reasons were quoted by you till date for the same single shawl)

10. Some don’t believe in ancient sages and saints, but practice Yoga which was taught by them, for longevity and health

11. And highlight of all the above is ‘A TV Channel goes on air, on “Vinayakar Chathurthi” day. (needless to mention)

Many such sentiments and beliefs don’t have any scientific reason or whatsoever. It’s been a way of life for many. If you believe it, take it. If you don’t believe, just ignore.

If we keep questioning every act of mass sentiments, there won’t be any answers to many questions. Or I don’t know whether you know the reasons for some of the sentiments mentioned above.

Oct 5, 2007

a question paper from pakistan


i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.

ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts willbe forced to join Al Qayda group .

iii) Ak 47 -s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall.

Students may keep their daggers,Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs onlyfor self defense.


Math Exam Time till you complete

for full Marks 100

All questions arecompulsory.

1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder. He has 7 wives in his house. Abduldistributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest andmost recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.

2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijuana, hashish, heroinand LHD are 50, 60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount ofRupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LHD he bought.

3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of itsoriginal shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due totampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3overs.

4. Mohammed has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepers in Calcutta . IF ISD charges are Rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Mohammed's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaye in a month. Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai , threatened in that particular month.

5. A terrorist group has to provide one AK 47, one AK 49,one RocketLauncher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its recruits for training.One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $ ,A Bazuka rocket Launchercosts 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each , a pack of RDX Bomb attached withremote Control is 500 $. The terrorist group admitts 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed . Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.

6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in Pakistan is given by the followingequation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 = i ; Find out x.

7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %.Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80 % . FInd the jointprobability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general.

8.Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem withOsama Bin Laden's Correction (That is taking he value of PI = 786 insteadof 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.

9) A 'GHAURI' missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not toofar from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . Thewind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equalto the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured withrespect to the air!) The pilot decides to steer straight to Kargil all thetime during the flight. Will the airplane ever reach Kargil ?What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the airplane, wherek is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch thetrajectory of the airplane (with respect to the ground, of course) in eachof the three cases: k=1, k1 and k<1.

10) Briefly discuss the Unsolved problem of "Bisection of a Triangle" witha Compass and an unmarked ruler if the triangle is named as KASHMIR

Oct 3, 2007

management lessons ....

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made.
He felt that there should be a formal test. Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ". He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?" He replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?"
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now. '
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story

Sep 27, 2007

the ass who is the Indian politician !!!

Indian politician has done it again, be it the BCCI officials ,the Maharashtra Cricket board or the like , the types of Sarad Pawar and Mukul wasnik sat proud in spotless white, in naked and dirty display of their shamelessness and the depths of stinking rot that they are in when it comes to be in the front row, no matter how ass like they look like in the effort. The media was abuzz with criticism of how the ruling class in their mercs and BMWs accompanied the men in blue ,who became wet in the merciless rain, in an open bus all through their way to the wankade stadium, along with the millions of Mumbaikars and once in the stadium how the men in white put their firm asses in the front row, smiling, giving bhashans in Marathi and taking a dig here and a dig there ,and reducing it to an NCP rally of sorts..While the ones who did the job for India at the T20 were relegated to the background, the politicians proved yet again that they never fight shy of appropriating glory...... shameless the politician is , but the average Indian feels ashamed, at this parade of duplicity, at this audacious quench to father someone elses kid ....

When will the Khadi man learn to keep his ass off from sports atleast?
Enough of growing sports sir... leave them alone and they will proove better !!!!

Sep 25, 2007

Chak de India...!!!!

I definitely am not a couch potato, watching cricket all day and night, no matter who is playing with whom, but the latest renaissance that India ( minus the Uncles and grandold men who simply refuse to retire, and more importantly minus a coach whom they say ran away tired of the "Indian team work") seem to be bravely demonstrating, made even the pessimistin me wake up and watch... the nail biting last over when The Boys of Mahendra singh dhoni performe the Mahendrajal, was awesome but before you see that second video see this one, when some years back Miandad did another magic, to be answered only yesterday...

Three cheers to India for the splendid victory that you snatched from the jaws of defeat and three cheers to Pakistan for the wonderful cricket , till the last minute!!!

Sep 24, 2007

the rich and the ugly..!!!!

this diamond studded merc reportedly belongs to Prince Waleed of UAE... the rest is visible !!!!

Sep 21, 2007

now that is what a game is...

that is what happened when India's Yuvaraj singh decided to teach a lesson or two or six to be precise England...

Sep 19, 2007

confused me....

Email's primary purpose seems to be quick and easy distribution of humor.
Where do jokes come from? Who knows? and who cares... just laugh...!!!!

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is Punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

Put your ad here!

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first TIME...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

IN Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

(is this a great country or what? Though not as great as Guam!)

Sep 18, 2007

in the name of God!!!

The remnants of Ganesh Idols being washed and shoved down like rubble and garbage in the beaches of Mumbai, a day after the immersion. till it is immersed he is the GOD, and once immersed he is what we see here... forget the cataclysmic environmental effects just see how an IDOL is desecrated and disregarded so very mercilessly by the devotees themselves. Im pained, and no logic could offer an explanantion...

Sep 10, 2007

a real memo !

This is a REAL MEMO( i got it in my mail, im not sure how real it is still it is fun ) from Microsoft HR Director in Redmond, WA to its staff of Indian Origin. Every word here is kept intact without alteration.


In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA, UK and many other countries with White People, it has become important for Human Resources Department to issue directives to their Indian staff.


It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.

Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like CHUTIYA, GANDU and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say CHUTIYE, AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO when someone makes a mistake, or MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the Verb CHOD are inappropriate in our environment.
2. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as GADHA or CHUTIYA. Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SAALA and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as BHOSADIKAA or MADARCHOD.
3. Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as GAND FAADU, if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use GAND FATI, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
4. Furthermore, you must not say BHOSADE MEIN GAYA when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR. Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU.
5. When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than MAA CHUDI PADI HAI or GOTI MUH MEIN HAI.
6. No salary increase shall be ever referred to as KHAIRAAT BAATI JAA RAHI HAI KYA or PHIR SE CHOD DIYA RE or ISSE ZYADA TO RANDI BHI KAMA LETI HAI Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as BUDDHA KHOOSAT or BADHIR LAUDA .
7. Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say: YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI.

We hope you will keep these directions in mind.

Steve Rider
Human Resources Director
Microsoft Corporation

Aug 14, 2007

India at 60!!!

A night shelter set up by the Municipal Corporation of Delhi becomes a buzzing hive of commerce at 6 pm every day. The doors of Children's Development Bank -- India's only bank chain run by children -- are open for business.
By day, the premises serve as school that also serves midday meals to children. But as the day comes to close, the child-adults swagger in. These are rag-pickers and daily wagers engaged in menial labour -- washing utensils at weddings, for instance.....

Now at the 60 th year of Indian independence such small news makes a smile, leaves some ray of hope in even the most pessimistic Indian... Inspite of its politicians, India excels !!!! three cheers !!!!

Aug 11, 2007

over the week !!!

how stress becomes a smile over the week.. thinking about the week end is the best stress management practice....

Aug 10, 2007

Battle at KRUGER !!!

A best lesson for human beings....
team work works and it only works....Hope the enlightened human mind is ready to learn some lesson from this ANIMALS....

Aug 9, 2007


Three statisticians go hunting for moose with bows and arrows. Spotting one in the nearby woods, one of the hunters takes aim and misses about 10 feet to the left. The other then shoots and misses about 10 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down excitedly yelling, "We got him! We got him!"
Statistics on performance are useful, but they certainly aren't the answer!

Aug 7, 2007

students and teachers !!!

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student
goes and confronts his professor about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you
can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If
you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the
exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and
neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give
the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A",
as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the
same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 25
year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 18 year
old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given
your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is
neither legal, nor logical."

Aug 6, 2007

in the name of God!!!

Forgive me Lord , if im wrong but it is my conviction that this is stupidity, as done and seen here by some Sai baba devotees, in Chennai. This flower ceromony as they call, or Poomoodal in Tamil costs them some 7 lakh rupees and some 7 truck load of flowers. .... great work done !!!!
But excuse me, wouldnt Baba be more happy IF you had spend this on the needy? Adopt a couple of poor lads on the street, give food to some, take some destitutes to hospital..?
What God is that who wants him to be decked and marooned in flowers, when his subjects in the street languish in suffering???

Aug 4, 2007

Importance of training !!!

Dear employees,

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T).Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may also be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BasicUnderstanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T)If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T)

Thank you,

Boss in General
(B.I.G S.H.I.T)

Aug 3, 2007

todays job seeker !!!

After having taught in some
Indian B Schools, and have seen and helped out in campus placements, I am confused as to what is the student actually expecting...? the MTV genertaion kid is really pampered and spoilt.. or is it thatI cant see it...?

Aug 1, 2007

Gods own ^&%*&^* ng country !!!

As many as 28,000 people have lost their lives on Kerala roads in the last 10 years, with the State registering the highest accident rate in the country. And it seems the Govt ( yes we have one here ,too) is proud to be in the toppers list... why so much of accidents..? Because Gods own country has the worst roads, probably in this whole world... Shame less politicians and officials have eaten up the coffers and inspite of harsh remarks from courts and rulings, have left the people to the mercy of fate or God, with potholes and dangerous collection of waste and garbage which smell like hell in the cities, mainly the city of Kochi where I live..( its called as the queen of arabian sea..another Malayali joke...!!!.)

Mayor Mercy Williams blamed the bad condition of roads on the "unexpected" rain and the Assembly elections. She admitted that the Corporation could do little despite frequent requests from the police and different organisations.
How should one describe this piece of magnificient shit???
Celebrated stupidity?
rains ? unexpected? in Kerala??...
aint our politicians funy??? I dont know whether she is inherently idiotic or with this issue she is taking special efforts to be so??

Drivers of bigger vehicles lose control over while negotiating the potholes often resulting in fatal accidents. In most cases, motorists are unable to gauge the depth of the water-filled holes. Moreover the potholes also slow down traffic on the already-congested roads and make life a hell here.. well it already is... Kerala and thanks to its Marxist lineage and the Congress greed ,(we still have no roads which in comparsion with our neighbouring states can be called as roads, our public transport is dangerously outdated and disgusting, our bus stations stink of urine and tobacco,bridges and highways exist only in our tv channels ,where the beared marxist and the 'khadi'ed congress man fight it out and finally decide that bridges, highways and flyovers ruin culture and we would have NONE of it....)

Potholes on roads have been breaking the leaf springs and axles of automobiles and causing flat tyres. They also increase wear-and-tear and fuel loss, affecting daily income and routine of many. The Government, which collects(shame on you!!) crores of rupees from vehicle owners as road tax, has not been doing much to maintain roads in motorable condition and if at all something is done ,they all wait till the end of May to start works.... come rains ...dept after dept (not even together) start the digging and damaging works....

Every one knows why and how , but no one it seems , not even the courts can do anything.. Today morning I saw a district judge's car with a flat tyre, in a busy city cross.
What more can I do, than to pray till I get back home safe without much of financial bruises..... After all they have made it compulsory for two wheeler riders to wear Helmets and for four wheelers to have seat belts fastened... Law abiding citizens that we are and we do it.. after all law is for the ruled and not for the ruler....and any ways this month I have already got two flat tyres.....

Organisation structure...explained easy !!!!

Have a look... organisation structures coulnt be explained better....

Jul 31, 2007

A Short History of Medicine..

A Short History of Medicine

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."

Jul 25, 2007

the reckless youth

bikers and hooligans.... rich fathers and lots of money.... jobs at 17 and 18, nights that seem to have no ends.... Indian youth is " evolving" ...frightening it is, even if it is just a sample.....

Jul 24, 2007

an ode to Kalam!!!

Kalam the man who made Indian prsesidency look bright and with a reason... never before it was so..... He was the only one who seems to have beleived in a vision for India, inspite of its politicians and thought of aplan for 2020... God knows what is going to be happening for that plan but we admire you sir.... the millions in this country have voted for you.. No matter the penpullers and palnquin bearers, have not, as they could not see some one independent and free thinking, some one who has his own voice and some one who became so very popular in the raisina hills... the Moghal gardens will miss you for sure, but you will live in us....

Three cheers Mr President... For a change,I feel proud that I too am an Indian... !!!