Dec 30, 2008

The kings new wife...


This was a pic taken when more than 50,000 bare-breasted virgins vied to become the King of Swaziland’s 13th wife in a ceremony( some time back) which critics say ill befits a countrywith the world’s highest HIV/AIDS rate.
King MswatiIII, sub-Saharan Africa’s last absolute monarch, arrived dressed in a leopard-skin loincloth to watch the Reed Dance ceremony, which hehas used since 1999 to pluck new brides from the girls dressed in littlemore than beaded mini-skirts.



Wielding machetes and singing tributes to the king and queen mother, alsoknown as the Great She-Elephant, the girls danced around the royal stadium in the hope of catching the eye of the 37-year-old monarch.
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"I want to live a nice life, have money, be rich, have a BMW and cellphone," said one dancer, 16-year-old Zodwa Mamba, who wore a traditional brightly colored tasseled scarf...... that is an amazing reason to be the kings Nth wife..... Now that was many years back... now the number would be more than 25 assuming that the RITUAL is going on....


The king of Swaziland for sure can be called FATHER of the NATION...

Why women should not be taken for GHAJNI>>>?

Dec 19, 2008

The Importance of Punctuation....

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?

Gloria

And now this....

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours,

Gloria

Dec 16, 2008

Application for Whitehouse Internship!

An old one which saw peak viewership in the net during its times..

APPLICATION FOR WHITE HOUSE INTERNSHIP... ***********************************************

Greetings prospective White House interns!

This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet!

Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out:

* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities! Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern:

"I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president. ... Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just fantastic." - M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif.

As you can see, being a White House intern is more than long hours, hot debates and touchy national issues.

Still interested? Fill out this information form and send it back to the White House at presid...@whitehouse.gov

Name: Hometown: Sex: F__ Age: Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
How many beers it takes to get you:
..Giggly:
..Drunk:
.Hot:
..To lie to a federal prosecutor:

Quick quiz: You've always considered the White House:

a) a monument to democracy
b) the place where great leaders meet
c) vaguely erotic
d) extremely erotic

Hillary Clinton is a(n):

a) model wife and mother

b) icon of late 20th century femininity

c) an obstacle

d) inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world

You've always wanted to know more about the President's:

a) MidEast policies
b) childhood in Hope, Ark
c) romper room
d) "monument to democracy"

My social life as an intern would likely consist of:

a) hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns
b) reading, study
c) late nights working at the White House
d) late nights working the White House

Score 1 point for each a, 2 for each b, 3 for each c, 4 for each d.
Scores of 16 can start tomorrow. Scores of 12 and above, please call soon.

Uncle Sam (and Uncle Bill) wants you.

*Please feel free to forward this form to anyone you know who might be interested in this program. The White House is an equal opportunity abuser.

Dec 13, 2008

The Swiss banking Politician!!!

The following article was shocking when I read it first.... and when I read it again, felt a pain from top to bottom of having had the misfortune of living here and enduring this nonsense..... read it and you wll know...


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Revelation of Swiss bank accounts This is so shocking.......If black money deposits were an Olympics event.... India would have won a gold medal hands down. The second best Russia has 4 times lesser deposit. U.S. is not even there in the counting in top five! India has more money in Swiss banks than all the other countries combined! Recently, due to international pressure, the Swiss government agreed to disclose the names of the account holders only if the respective governments formally asked for it. Indian government is not asking for the details...no marks for guessing why? We need to start a movement to pressurize the government to do so! This is perhaps the only way, and a golden opportunity, to expose the high and mighty and weed out corruption! Please read on......and forward to all the honest Indians to.....like somebody is forwarding to you.......and build a ground-swell of support for action!

Is India poor, who says? Ask the Swiss banks. With personal account deposit bank of $1,500 billion in foreign reserve which have been misappropriated, an amount 13 times larger than the country's foreign debt, one needs to rethink if India is a poor country? DISHONEST INDUSTRIALISTS, scandalous politicians and corrupt IAS, IRS, IPS officers have deposited in foreign banks in their illegal personal accounts a sum of about $1500 billion, which have been misappropriated by them. This amount is about 13 times larger than the country's foreign debt. With this amount 45 crore poor people can get Rs 1,00,000 each.

This huge amount has been appropriated from the people of India by exploiting and betraying them. Once this huge amount of black money and property comes back to India , the entire foreign debt can be repaid in 24 hours. After paying the entire foreign debt, we will have surplus amount, almost 12 times larger than the foreign debt. If this surplus amount is invested in earning interest, the amount of interest will be more than the annual budget of the Central government. So even if all the taxes are abolished, then also the Central government will be able to maintain the country very comfortably.

Some 80,000 people travel to Switzerland every year, of whom 25,000 travel very frequently. 'Obviously, these people won't be tourists. They must be travel ling there for some other reason,' believes an official involved in tracking illegal money. And, clearly, he isn't referring to the commerce ministry bureaucrats who've been flitting in and out of Geneva ever since the World Trade Organisation (WTO) negotiations went into a tailspin! Just read the following details and note how these dishonest industrialists, scandalous politicians, corrupt officers, cricketers, film actors, illegal sex trade and protected wildlife operators, to name just a few, sucked this country's wealth and prosperity. This may be the picture of deposits in Swiss banks only. What about other international banks?

Black money in Swiss banks -- Swiss Banking Association report, 2006 details bank deposits in the territory of Switzerland by nationals of following countries:

TOP FIVE


INDIA $1,456 BILLION
RUSSIA $470 BILLION
U.K. $390 BILLION
UKRAINE $100 BILLION
CHINA $96 BILLION

Now do the MATHS - India with $1,456 billion or $1.4 trillion has more money in Swiss banks than rest of the world combined. Public loot since 1947: Can we bring back our money? It is one of the biggest loots witnessed by mankind -- the loot of the AAM AADMI (common man) since 1947, by his brethren occupying public office. It has been orchestrated by politicians, bureaucrats and some businessmen. The list is almost all-encompassing. No wonder, everyone in India loots with impunity and without any fear. What is even more depressing in that this ill-gotten wealth of ours has been stashed away abroad into secret bank accounts located in some of the world's best known tax havens. And to that extent the Indian economy has been stripped of its wealth. Ordinary Indians may not be exactly aware of how such secret accounts operate and what are the rules and regulations that go on to govern such tax havens. However, one may well be aware of 'Swiss bank accounts,' the shorthand for murky dealings, secrecy and of course pilferage from developing countries into rich developed ones.

In fact, some finance experts and economists believe tax havens to be a conspiracy of the western world against the poor countries. By allowing the proliferation of tax havens in the twentieth century, the western world explicitly encourages the movement of scarce capital from the developing countries to the rich. In March 2005, the Tax Justice Network (TJN) published a research finding demonstrating that $11.5 trillion of personal wealth was held offshore by rich individuals across the globe.

The findings estimated that a large proportion of this wealth was managed from some 70 tax havens. Further, augmenting these studies of TJN, Raymond Baker -- in his widely celebrated book titled 'Capitalism's Achilles Heel: Dirty Money and How to Renew the Free Market System' -- estimates that at least $5 trillion have been shifted out of poorer countries to the West since the mid-1970. It is further estimated by experts that one per cent of the world's population holds more than 57 per cent of total global wealth, routing it invariably through these tax havens. How much of this is from India is anybody's guess.

What is to be noted here is that most of the wealth of Indians parked in these tax havens is illegitimate money acquired through corrupt means. Naturally, the secrecy associated with the bank accounts in such places is central to the issue, not their low tax rates as the term 'tax havens' suggests. Remember BOFORS and how India could not trace the ultimate beneficiary of those transactions because of the secrecy associated with these bank accounts? IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN SAVE INDIA ?

Dec 10, 2008

To kiss or not to kiss...

I know you will read this only once you have seen this pics ,still let me tell you what it is for those who have not yet got the mail as a forward. The venue is the inauguration of the Kochi stop over of the Volvo race and the lady in trouble is the Dist collector - Dr Beena . The kisser is one of the race participants who obviously was starved and the fact that she was a Dist collector did not make any difference....








Dec 3, 2008

Dear Prime minister...

The following is a letter written to the Prime minister by a senior citizen living in Mumbai and which I got via E mail.......


Dear Mr. Prime minister,

I am a typical mouse from Mumbai. In the local train compartment which has capacity of 100 persons, I travel with 500 more mouse. Mouse atleast squeak but we don't even do that.Today I heard your speech. In which you said 'NO BODY WOULD BESPARED'. I would like to remind you that fourteen years has passedsince serial bomb blast in Mumbai took place. Dawood was the main conspirator. Till today he is not caught. All our bolywood actors, ourbuilders, our Gutka king meets him but your Government can not catchhim. Reason is simple; all your ministers are hand in glove with him.If any attempt is made to catch him everybody will be exposed.

Your statement 'NOBODY WOULD BE SPARED' is nothing but a cruel joke on thisunfortunate people of India.Enough is enough. As such after seeing terrorist attack carried out by about a dozen young boys I realize that if same thing continues daysare not away when terrorist will attack by air, destroy our nuclear reactor and there will be one more Hiroshima.We the people are left with only one mantra. Womb to Bomb to Tomb. Youpromised Mumbaikar Shanghai what you have given us is Jalianwala Baug.Today only your home minister resigned. What took you so long to kickout this joker? Only reason was that he was loyal to Gandhi family.Loyalty to Gandhi family is more important than blood of innocentpeople, isn't it?

I am born and bought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe me corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar. Look at allthe politician, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, BalThackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all arerolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief minister I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI everyother day, make money and send it to Delhi so Congress can fight nextelection. Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI forfisherman so they can build concrete house right on sea shore. Nexttime terrorisst can comfortably live in those house , enjoy the beautyof sea and then attack the Mumbai at their will.Recently I had to purchase house in Mumbai. I met about two dozenbuilders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me knows this and with all your intelligence agency & CBI ,you and yourfinance minister are not aware of it. Where all the black money goes?To the underworld isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have timeplease come to me, I will tell you everything.

If this has been land of fools, idiots then I would not have evercared to write you this letter. Just see the tragedy, on one side weare reaching moon, people are so intelligent and on other side youpolitician has converted nectar into deadly poison. I am everything Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Schedule caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Creamy caste...... only what I am not is INDIAN. You politician have raped every part of mother India by your policy of divide and rule.Take example of former president Abdul Kalam. Such an intelligentperson, such a fine human being. You politician didn't even spare him. Your party along with opposition joined the hands, because politician feels they are supreme and there is no place for good person.

Dear Mr Prime minister you are one of the most intelligent persons,most learned persons. Just wake up, be a real SARDAR. First and foremost expose all selfish politician. Ask Swiss bank to give name ofall Indian account holder. Give reins of CBI to independent agency.Let them find wolf among us. There will be political upheaval but thatwill better than dance of death which we are witnessing every day.Just give us ambient where we can work honestly and without fear. Letthere be rule of law. Everything else will be taken care of.

Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one person or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?

Prakash B. Bajaj
Chandralok 'A" Wing,
Flat No 10497
Nepean Sea Road
Mumbai 400 036
Phone 98210-71194

Dec 2, 2008

These are our leaders..!!

Not even a dog would have gone there had it not been a dead major's house.... said the Kerala CM V S Achuthanandan ,when the Major Sandeep's father threw him out when he reached there, with his dirty baggage of rotten politics.....And when contacted by the media for his comments, his office gave a terse reply: “He is not available. You can write whatever you want. We don’t care.” Now isn't that amazing?



Aise bade shaherom mein, ek adh aise khadna hota hai... it is common in big cities, that such SMALL incidences occur... said RR Patil, the HOME minister of Maharashtra... Hope Newyork and London is listening....And shouldnt we keep this specimen in some museum?



"Some women wearing lipstick and powder have taken to streets in Mumbai and are abusing politicians, thus spreading dissatisfaction against democracy. This is what terrorists are doing in Jammu and Kashmir,”... said the Muktar Abbas Naqvi- the Muslim leader of BJP which has left the guys in his own party shocked and red faced..... Contempt for the protesters and disdain to any one who criticize the ruling class and yet vouching for DEMOCRACY... Demons going crazy...???


And our man( he has now resigned and is now into full time modelling and fashion designing) ....see his boring monotonous speak after every blast in the past.....


Nov 30, 2008

Too late..Too little

It is enough... much has been written about the Bombay carnage where a handfull of men came sailing and took India and Mumbai to hostage...The large army stood biwildered and perplexed, the fool who is the politician was as usual when everytime an attack occurs saying same thing, uttering cliches and playing games, the Manmohans, the Shivrajs, the Advanis and the Modis ... enough of this guys...enough of tolerating the incompetence and ineptness , enough of excuses and reasons that are tiring,,,, the politician is in his cocoon, protected and saved, in their large bunglows in Lutyens Delhi and he cares the damn for the poor man who die like locusts caught in a wild fire... I have written enough and enough and enough on this but this time IT REALLY WAS TIRING ... it was shaking, I cried seeing the visuals, I felt ashamed to call myself an INDIAN...I for the first time felt that if an army general could take over, exterminating the ruling class - all of them....

The police with under equiped and de moraled attitudes, the pay commission game and the redtape on in full glory,the army being played around, here chaos is celebrated with no shame or feeling of sham. It is disarray and not democracy. Human right watchers and the like who have all dissappeared, the Raj Thackereys and his goons who are not to be seen, and with no autonomy for the police, the NSG, the intellegent agencies who work as spy agencies of the ruling group, the system has failed this nation... romantic notions about our good old neighbour whose hand is evident here as well and yet we have no guts or gumption to book the people, and bring them to face justice makes me wriggle in discomfort...

Should India go on hot pursuit like the Americans is a debate. If allowed I will like to fire the ones who like to still argue on it. The intelligensia and the elite that has now woken up when their head was banged with the AK -47's will for some time now keep mum on secularism and human rights, but the Delhi politician will not... he has elections to play and all decisions will be based on that fact , ONLY on that fact and that is the tragedy that as a legacy India is facing...

The President is in Indonesia( holidaying I guess) and now as I type this, patil has resigned and his party claims that he has "resigned taking moral responsibilty as was always the tradition with the Congress party" ... Havent we heard even better jokes in the past..? This country is amazing...we some how have got immunised to this, even worse we sit and watch for 60 hours the nations elite force fighting a war to save a city and the country, when the politician on the street bickered like street children and yet think that it is none of our business...

Now that Patil is left the BJP calls it Too late and too little... Now that was the party which send its foreign minister with terrorists who where released after the Kandahar Plane hijack,,, the drama will go on.... the symbolism and will go on... the symptoms will be cured... the disease but will thrive....

India Shining !!!!

Nov 27, 2008

Fire Play ....

Read first, then watch This is a dramatic video (30 seconds, very short) about how to deal with a common kitchen fire...oil in a frying pan. Read the following introduction, then watch the film...it's a real eye-opener!! At the Fire Fighting Training School they would demonstrate this with a deep fat fryer set on the fire field. An instructor would don a fire suit and using a 250ml cup at the end of a 10 foot pole, toss the water onto the grease fire. The results always got the students' attention. The water, being heavier than oil, sinks to the bottom where it instantly becomes superheated. The force of the steam blows the burning oil up and out. On the open field, it became a 30 foot high fireball... Inside the confines of a kitchen, the fireball hits the ceiling and fills the entire room.Also, do not throw sugar or flour on a grease fire. One cup creates the explosive force of two sticks of dynamite. This is a powerful message - watch the video and don't forget what you see. Who would have realised that a wet dishcloth can be a one size fits all lid to cover fire in a pan!!
video

Nov 24, 2008

The Men's rules

Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules " From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules " From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!

Please note.. These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

********** 1. Men are NOT mind readers.

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1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

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1. Crying is blackmail.

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1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

************

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

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1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


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1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

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1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

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1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

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1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

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1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

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1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

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1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

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1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

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1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

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1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.


We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

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1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

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1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .


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1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

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1. You have enough clothes.

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1. You have too many shoes.

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1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

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1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;



Nov 20, 2008

Housefly!!!

This is a cross post and was originally published in full2faltu where I write as a guest writer....

Gowri is just 6, my daughter and yet she has grown up to the world of ads and advertising. No shocks for me because next to her dads funny face and her moms tolerance of the same, the most seen thing for her was ads and ads only. When she cried (for no reason as most kids do) I showed her ads in my PC and she became contented, quite a satisfied baby. She beamed and giggled at the characters, their drama and expressions she owned and imitated with precision.
My best friend (who happens to be of communist thinking) accused me always of compulsorily growing her up as a consumerist neo gen kid with no real world dilemma. For me but, it began as a tool to engage my nagging child, later on what I admit got graduated into an easy tool to entertain her.

The allegation of making a capitalist doll out of her, made us (me and my wife) think of other kinds of amusements to keep her glad but alas, in vain. My singing was not that engaging to her, proven by the fact that she cried even more wildly and underlining my wife’s theory that ‘you are a good singer only for your ears’. Her tricks of entertainment didn’t work either but I never ventured or dared to prove any theory for want of harmony in family life.

At 6 this girl analyses ads more capably than her Dad ever did, and finds fault in most of them. Of course she does not classify them as BEKAR and/or the BEST but she stops almost close to it. And she does a better job I swear, in truly seeing the best as the best and the bekar as bekar. She has no axes to grind and no one to please or no point to attest. She is frank and open in her smiles, her frown and her admiration accordingly when and where an ad deserves it. The Indian consumer has arrived?

She was taken to school for admission a couple of years back. The schools of these days are in spite all the court orders funny places to be. If you have had been in one for a kid’s admission process you will know what I mean. They have panel of interviewers ( you heard it right.. a three or more in numbers panel) whose only obvious intention is to petrify the kid and haul out the parent does a wonderful job in sending you back with frustration, anger, apathy and seamless jealousy at the rich parents and their lucky kids. Mad rush for an LKG seat made me ponder as to how easy is it in India to get a seat in a B school. It really is if you see it relatively. At least the selection process has some reason and rationale…..

Her turn came and she walked in wonderfully valiant and unperturbed, neither by the panel inside and their spiteful looks nor by the frenzy outside and the din that they created.

Sit down.. Said the large madam who was over weight, over aged, over made up and looked over suspicious…

Thank you … said the little one making us proud.

They signaled us to sit as well in a sofa a bit away from the interview table.

I sat with ease of having got to see this drama where my daughter was the heroine (or villain?) and my wife with her heart pounding as if this was a life or death issue for the little one….

What is your name? The old man asked….

He is the chairman of the trust… my wife murmured…. How I hope she answered it right…

Gowri Raajya Laxmi .. the little one replied and my wife released a loud sigh…

What is your father’s name? Pat came the next question..

She didn’t reply… I stared at my wife as if it was her mistake…( the pun is not intended )

Heart thumping went up…

It is ok….. said the other man in the panel….

It is not ok…. You 200 year old toilet brush… I muttered to myself… I had taught her and made her repeat it a hundred times and yet… my girl…

What is your mother’s name? asked one….

She didn’t even think for a second before yelling…Laxmy Sabu…..

What is your mother? Asked the Madam in a baritone that would put even the Big B to shame….
Here, she got confused… WHAT…? What is what….

House wife.. house wife… my wife garbled in a pinnacle of nervousness….

Housefly… said Gowri and smirked….

WHAT?… The panel shrieked in unison…..

The girl didn’t answer, and perhaps the panel got the perplexity that bewildered the poor little thing….

Whom do you like the most?… came the next question…

I smiled… it’s me … its got to be me.. After all I was the one who called her all the pet names in the world… treated her like and angel vis a vis her mom who tried to teach her discipline at the age of 4.

The PUG.. She said with a loud voice and a large smile….

WHAT? Shouted the Large madam…

The pug… she repeated and looked at the panel, straight into their old eyes, with an expression that made them feel ashamed and wriggle in discomfort…

You haven’t seen the pug?… happy to help ?… she became eloquent and waited for an answer…

Well yeah,,,, well… yeah but…. The panel looked like a shattered army….

You know Bingo? She asked them

Bingo… my lord… yelled my wife as she pinched and punched my thighs angrily, hinting that I was guilty for this manifestation of spoilt behaviour …

Gowri looked sad at the end of the interview, not that the panel was not wise enough to select her but that they golden oldies didn’t know bingo… not even the pug… she was happy to help them but they weren’t ready to take it…they weren’t mature enough…

She watches more ads today and is in a better school than the one which rejected her for being what she was. One day I guess she will become an Ad professional, like her Dad who left the profession half way to become an academic....

One day….

Nov 14, 2008

the Washerman, the Donkey and the Dog...

Old version…

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.

The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.

The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
..
..
..
.Now the new version of the story.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
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The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.

He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.

He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.

Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.

The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…


If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story.

Nov 10, 2008

Management lessons !

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.

He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . .

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Nov 5, 2008

The OBAMA speech !

Hello America,

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America .

It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America .

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.
Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama.

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House.

And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother' s watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.
To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best -- the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America .
To my chief strategist David Axelrod who's been a partner with me every step of the way.
To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington . It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston . It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.
You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education.

There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America , I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.
But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.
This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.
So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.
Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.
And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.
To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That's the true genius of America : that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.
This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta . She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.
When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham , a bridge in Selma , and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin , a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America , through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America , we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America

Oct 31, 2008

Diwali ..HUJI style...




Even Bangladesh and its handful of HUJI guys can come in an create havoc in this great nation ruled over by eunuchs ..... Home Minister Shivraj Patil on Thursday condemned the serial blasts in Assam that have killed at least 60 people and injured over 100, even as he went into an urgent meeting with National Security Advisor MK Narayanan to discuss measures to control the situation..... reports media.....
Just one request sir... please carry all your apparels and shoe sets when you go for the drama... condemn them again and again but sit over the files ( which asks you to start action regardless of whether the terrorost is minority or majority)with your fat ass firm on it... shed crocodile tears... and wait for the next blast....
God save India !!!

Oct 25, 2008

Masala dosa Research !!

There are many ways to eat a masala dosa .What ever the way one eats; there is a very good reason for doing that. It shows some hidden character traits of the person....

Case 1: People who open the masala dosa and eat it: These are the people who are very open about their life. Everyone one the persons friends would know all about him/her. I have generally seen guys do this rather than girls. Some people think that it is a gross way of eating but in truth, these people are just portraying who they are and how their life is.

Case 2: People who start from both end and approach the masala later: These are the people who like to wait for the exiting things to come to their life. Sadly when the times comes, they are not too interested or just do not know how to enjoy it to the fullest. These are the folks who just want life as either dry or exiting. They just do not know how to phase their life and enjoy it no matter what. There are two types of people within this group

Case 2.1: People who do not finish all the masala: These folks just do not care as much for the fun times as they are already brought down by the harsh reality of life. The dry periods in their life has left them with so much scars that they do not want to be really happy when the time is right. They just take only as much as they needed and end their life. A very sorry state indeed.

Case 2.2: People who finish all the masala with the little dosa they have: These are the folks who just are the extremes. They just go all out in life. No matter it is dark or bright. They may not enjoy life to the fullest but they sure make sure that they get every single good and bad thing out of life. Sometimes these folks are really hard to get along with. They are either your best friends or your worst enemies. They do not have a middle path at all.

Case 3: People who start from the middle and proceed to both ends: These are the people who like to get right to what they think is their best part of life. Usually these guys finish of the good portions in a hurry and get stuck with nothing but worst parts of their life. The thing to note among these people is that the tendency to burn out very early in their life. Like the above case, there are two kinds of people in this group too.

Case 3.1: People who do not finish the dosa: These folks are really the saddest of people. They are the ones who tend to end their life as soon as it hits the bad patch. For them, they only need and want the best things in life and nothing more. Typically, they are not prepared or tuned to life as a whole. They just want to enjoy from first till last. Sadly, no one in the world can live without even an ounce of sadness in life. Not even the richest of the richest. But to self destruct at the mere sign of distress is very bad. That is what these guys tend to do. Some learn to live life but most of them do not.

Case 3.1:People who do finish the dosa: These folks are the typical human beings. We all enjoy the greatest of times in life and push the sad parts thinking about the great times in life. Typically the plate is clean and nothing is left for fate or in life. Happiness and sadness are part of life and these guys know that and are kind of prepared for it. Life is not always happy but there are moments of happiness here and there.

Case 4: People who eat the dosa making sure that the masala lasts for the whole dosa: These people are very rare. These are the people who like to attain balance in their life. It is hard to displease these people and it is hard to make them really happy. They like their balance and are very protective of it. Sadly these are the people who tend to be lonely as anyone else may upset the balance of their system. Perfectionist to the core and are very careful. These guys do not make the best company but are needed in any group to make the group from going hay wire.

Case 5: People who do not share and eat the dosa as if it is precious: These folks are very protective about their life. They do not want anyone to come and interfere in their life. They like to hide their true nature and intensions for their benefit. Beware of such people as they are in every group for their own need and nothing else.

Case 6: People who offer their first bite to others: These guys are overly friendly. They do anything to be part of a group and make everyone feel like the group is important than the individuals. They are the glue that holds any group together. They are very friendly and bring the best of all the others in the group. They go out of their way to help other friends. Most groups should have a person like this and they are the ones who plan the group outings and other group activities. Once this person is out of the group, typically the group slowly falls apart.

Case 7: People who take one or two bites and then offer the dosa to others: These guys care about friends and friendship but they take their time to get into the group. They take their time in making friends and they typically are very committed once into the friendship. These guys like to always be in the side lines and typically do not jump into anything in life. They always take their time to analyze the situation and then make a decision. These guys take the better safe than sorry approach.

Case 8: People who wait for others to make the offer first.... Typical people I must say. They are unsure about everything. Even if they wanted to offer, they will wait till the other person offers the food first. If the other person is silent, so are these people. They are the followers. They do terrific idea, they will pitch it to someone else and get their advice before proceeding. Sadly, most of the elderly world like these types of people.

Case 9: People who offer dosa only when they cannot finish it on their own: You all may be familiar with these kinds of people. People who are very generous only when all their needs are fulfilled. These folks are selfish but at the same time not misers or greedy. They just want to satisfy themselves before they give it to the world. They typically do not stuff themselves nor do they tend to starve. They are very good people who would give you the best of advices in life. They would make sure that you are not sad following their advice.

Case 10: People who offer the whole dosa and eat from others plates: These folks are other extreme. They know what they want, they get what they want but they cannot enjoy what they want. Instead they tend to settle for other things in life which satisfies the needs but does not satisfy the person completely. These guys are termed as born losers cause even when they have the thing they wanted, they can't stop others from stealing it from them.

So next time you sit with a person eating a masala dosa, look closely and see if he falls into one of the above categories. You may be surprised as how much it reveals about the person.!

With inputs from my colleague Prof G R C Nair of IBS Kochi !

Oct 22, 2008

If only you know Hindi !!!

If you know Hindi just go on !!!!

This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long illness..... one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge..".

Driver: "Par saab aapki tabyat?.."
Amitabh: "Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine...kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kare dikhau.....Hain" Ok
then he starts driving the car very fast.... zoooooooooom breaks one red signal......... breaks second red signal.......... breaks on more red signal........... . . . . . .
Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the driver to move the car to the roadside.

Hawaldar: "Chalo licence dikhao, puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat..." Sees Amitabh and says, "are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!" he is verysuprised to see him....... Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers....

Hawaldar: "Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par..."
Sir: "Kyun kya hua??"
Havaldar: "Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he"
Sir: "To phir?"
Hawaldar: "Sir, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir .... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yaha aiye .."
Sir: "KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
HAWALDAR : "WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NE HE NA SIR ... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HAI....".:

Oct 17, 2008

Mere Paas Maa hain !

The Indian cinema is bigger than Hollywood and in spite of being a poor (developing we claim though!) nation, our cinema thrived and excelled to be where it is today (be it Bollywood, Kollywood or Mollywood). I have been astonished by its sheer magic and the spell with which it transmits energy to the otherwise lifeless throngs for whom life is mundane and so very predictable. A typical cinema house is a refuge for the mass where they throw away garbs and wear their real self.....

As a child I used to wonder when the news reel began and so did the mob howls, marvel why some people went out little knowing that, for them it was gap to take a smoke. I didn’t know why some felt pity at Gandhi who was been shown up there. The one old man who could neither sing nor dance with the over made heroine nor could fight with the over acting villains, was simply intolerable for them.....

The film was routine and in every one film the poor hero fell in love with the rich heroine. Ecstatic songs, dance, jokes and all the ingredients were carefully added in the making of the dish. The unfortunate hero in a car followed the heroine from Kashmir to Hong Kong and from Tokyo to Amsterdam…. Scary eyes and the ever in fumes cigar made the villain and he had a moustache which was curled up like a used bed and he laughed and fumed in regular intervals for no particular reason.....

The expected misunderstanding, regular sadness, volumes of tears and one tight slap that the hero pasted on the heroines rosy cheek while the audience was awed and while the women went poignant .The hero turning repentant and cutting his hands with a blade and the heroine near the window singing classical songs in melancholy and the lord Krishna statue throwing a rose into her head. The Villain who keeps eating cigar after cigar at some secretive bar where lights in all colours and hues kept flashing and voluptuous women danced in gold and silver half towels and funny looking apparels....

Some one will kill some one and the murder will be cast on (well no prizes for guessing) the hapless hero, and courts and the arguments… long shots… “Order order” the onscreen judges keep parroting but the film will go on in no particular order. Hero will meet the villain and will fight like kids do in every street and gali, from heaven to sea and from land to nowhere and the pitiable police coming in to climax the organized confusion with the megaphone and announcing “Pulis ne tumhe charon taraf se gher liya hain - apne aap ko kannon ke haawale kar do”… Agony ends and the duo in the car again, the songs again....

Some dialogues linger on like the Aur tera kya hoga kalia and Mere paas maa hain just to give a sample....

The mob keeps singing pyar pyar pyar or kathal kathal as they come out joyful and contended…

It do not touch anyone and do not even left a single scratch..

No pains. No excitement which left a hangover!!!…

A brief vacation from the hassles of life and a bridge to the struggles that is waiting with tomorrow.

The biggest service perhaps Indian cinema renders would be that it keeps the mass in its enchantment if otherwise would have found gratification in more treacherous preoccupations..

And that was an uphill task to be done…..!!

Oct 14, 2008

The BOSS !!!


A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage. He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs. 2500. "Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000." Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.

The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything. But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

Oct 8, 2008

the MODI fied NANO


TATA to west bengal !!!!

Interestingly, during a summit in Ahmedabad last year Ratan Tata had said, "If you are not in Gujarat, you are stupid" and now it seems he is literally following it... the RED brigade ,now has one more reason to hate and bad mouth MODI but as of now he is the winner..the new NANo ,India's dream car will now roll out from Gujarat... the left at least now will learn the actual meaning of the old dictum " as you sow, so you reap !!

Sep 22, 2008

look at me... look at me...hey hey look at me !!!!




Shivaraj Patil-- India's home minister who is in charge of all the bomb blasts that has happened in this helpless nation in a series for some time now, was seen in three different sets of clothes on the night of September 13 when serial blasts in New Delhi killed 22 people and the media went brauhaha over that.... He was accused him of paying more attention to his clothes than the blasts ,as if it is something new and he did a new crime... the man who was rejected by his own constituency Latur made a back door entry just because he was a stooge of the Madam who rules India.



"I live in a neat, clean manner," Home Minister Shivraj Patil said to media Tuesday dismissing criticism over his sartorial fetish. In the midst of a torrent of criticism from political parties and media over his changing three sets of clothes on the night of Saturday's serial blasts in Delhi, Patil says "you criticise my policies, you don't criticise my clothes".



(daily night prayer...Thank you Lord for saving me today
from bomb blasts, BMWs, Bluelines, Sensex… )

But dear sir... you dont have any policies sir except that you glorify the terrorist and vandals...remember your famous AFZAL GURU statements on the tune that he is a pakistani ,not a terrorist and so he should be send back kind of utterances, not withstanding the fact that Afzal Guru is not a Pakistani....(India's home minister didnt know that basic fact an that is a shock).



(Yes…I had prior information about theblasts…
I kept it in my pocket…then I changed the shirt…)

Afzal Guru is a known terrorist and the factual evidence against him for aiding and abetting terrorism is incontrovertible and his convinction and death sentence have been upheld by the highest court in India and not some Kangaroo Court in Pakistan where Judges are held in house Arrest at the whims and fancies of the Government of the Day or whoever is in power that given day.....



A joker that he is, spineless and shameless that he for sure is, why should India carry the burden of this man?
The ongoing bedlam or the home ministers attire is the question...

In India,where terrorists set off deadly serial blasts every few days. When our governments talk, we hear nothing but bravado and empty threats. After the Delhi this time again we watched a home minister using his prime time appearance to show off his sartorial taste and his empty words which meant nothing but apathy and incompetence...
That is why the nation is discussing your attire sir.....
Why is it so amusing that we as a nation cannot deal with this reality that more than the terror that is looming here within and from out, the tribe of politicians that rule us is even more dangerous?



(I have got a good news, sir. Your tailor is safe.)

Home minister Shivaraj Patil's dapper style, in the face of death, is a metaphor for the vainness and insentitivity of the Indian state and that is to say the least !!!



Cartoons courtesy : http://www.manjul.com/....
mathrubumi.com