Jul 12, 2007

define an idiot....

Jul 11, 2007

happy malayalees!!

VS Achuthanandan, Oommen Chandy, Pinarayi Vijayan & K.Karunakaran were flying in a helicopter.

VS Achuthanandan drops a Rs.100.00 note & says, 'I made 1 Malayalee happy.'
Chandy drops two Rs.50.00 notes & says, 'I made 2 Malayalees happy.'
Pinarayi drops ten Rs.10.00 notes & says, 'I made 10 Malayalees happy.'
K Karunakaran drops 100 One Rupee coins & says, 'I made 100 Malayalees happy.'

The pilot who overheard all these, warned them, ........'I'll throw all four of you out and make three crores of Malayalees happy.'

Jul 10, 2007

perfect office communication!!!

It has been brought to management's attention that some Individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be taking the piss.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in that project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?!?!

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?


TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!!!!

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
IN STEADOF: He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.