Hypocrisy & oops...=women....

Send to me by Ms Lalgem a woman and a former colleague


She does not get PMS,
she becomes hormonally homicidal.

She does not have a killer body,
she is terminally attractive.

She is not a bad cook,
she is microwave compatible.

She is not a bad driver,
she is automotively challenged.

She is not a Perfect 10,
she is numerically superior.

She is not easy,
she is horizontally accessible.

She does not hate sports on TV,
she is athletically biased.

She does not have sexy lips,
she is collagen dependent.

She does not get drunk,
she is accidentally over served orshe becomes verbally dyslexic.

You do not ask her to dance,
you request a precoital rhythmic experience.

She is not a gossip,
she is a verbal terminator.

She does not work out too much,
she is an abdominal overachiever.

She does not have a great butt,
she is gluteus to the maximus.

She is not hooked on soap operas,
she is melodramatically fixated.

She is not cold or frigid,
she is thermally incompatible.

She does not wear too much makeup,
she is cosmetically oversaturated.

She does not have great cleavage or a great rack,
her breasts are centrally located.

She does not have big hooters,
her cups runneth over.

She will never gain weight,
she will become a metabolic underachiever.

She is not a screamer or a moaner,
she is vocally appreciative.

She does not shave her legs,
she experiences temporary stubble reduction.

She does not have a hard body,
she is anatomically inflexible.

She does not sun bathe,
she experiences solar enhancement.

Her breasts will never sag,
they will lose their vertical hold.

She does not shop too much,
she is overly susceptible to marketing ploys.

She does not cut you off,
she becomes horizontally inaccessible.

She does not have big hair,
she is overly aerosoled.

She does not snore,
she is nasally repetitive.

She is not too skinny,
she is skeletally prominent.

confusing proverbs..!!!

All good things come to those who wait.	BUT	Time and tide wait for no man.
The pen is mightier than the sword.	BUT	Actions speak louder than words.
Wise men think alike.	BUT	Fools seldom differ.
The best things in life are free .	BUT	There's no such thing as a free lunch .
Slow and steady wins the race .	BUT	Time waits for no man .
Look before you leap .	BUT	Strike while the iron is hot .
Do it well, or not at all.	BUT	Half a loaf is better than none.
Birds of a feather flock together.	BUT	Opposites attract.
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.	BUT	Forewarned is forearmed.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.	BUT	Faith will move mountains.
Great starts make great finishes.	BUT	It isn �t over 'till it's over.
Practice makes perfect.	BUT	All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Silence is golden.	BUT	The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You're never too old to learn.	BUT	You can't teach an old dog new tricks
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.	BUT	One man's meat is another man's poison.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.	BUT	Out of sight, out of mind.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.	BUT	Many hands make light work.
Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.	BUT	Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

Survival of the LICKiest...

No insults meant to anyone....any similiarity perceived by anyone is at their own risk and is purely coincidental and unintentional.....

confusion in heaven!!!

A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them. Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing.
They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
He says, "I'm still working on it."
Two years pass by and no marriage. St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it. Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding. The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.

"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.
St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"

With due apologies to Lalgem and all her tribe members....

New age..LESS confusion...

Our communication - Wireless
O ur dress - Topless
O ur telephone - Cordless
O ur cooking - Fireless
O ur youth - Jobless
O ur food - Fatless
O ur labour - Effortless
O ur conduct - Worthless
O ur relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
O ur feelings - Heartless
O ur politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
O ur follies - Countless
O ur arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
O ur Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very less....

and they say he will save us..!!!

This is just one pic of the guy who " wants to be" the PM of India...

Any comments..??

New year...!!!

H ours of happy times with friends and family
A bundant time for relaxation
P rosperity
P lenty of love when you need it the most
Y outhful excitement at lifes simple pleasures

N ights of restful slumber (you know - dont' worry be happy)
E verything you need
W ishing you love and light

Y ears and years of good health
E njoyment and mirth
A angels to watch over you
R embrances of a happy years!