Dec 30, 2009
Worlds best film dancing !!!
Wonder who produced and directed the film if it is not the HERO himself !!!
Dec 25, 2009
Dec 21, 2009
Dec 7, 2009
An Email War !!!
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 2.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Logo Design
Hello David,
I would like to catch up as I am working on a really exciting project at the moment and need a logo designed. Basically something representing peer to peer networking. I have to have something to show prospective clients this week so would you be able to pull something together in the next few days? I will also need a couple of pie charts done for a 1 page website. If deal goes ahead there will be some good money in it for you.
Simon
*************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 3.52pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.
Regards, David.
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 4.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Logo Design
Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? I told you the previous projects did not go ahead. I invested a lot more time and energy in those projects than you did. If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.
*************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 5.27pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
You are correct and I apologise. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.
I would no doubt find your ideas more ‘cutting edge’ and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950’s but as it stands, your ideas for technology based projects, that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them, fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer to peer networking technology to shame as not only would it have commercial viability, but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.
Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.
Regards, David.
**************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.
****************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1.36pm
To: Simon EdhouseSubject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.
When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light so I constructed a time machine by securing my father’s portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the footpath at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report “Cause of accident?” I stated ‘time travel attempt’ but she wrote down ’stupidity’.
If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wielding the business plan equivalent of a retarded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon LeBon’s the day before a large family gathering.
Regards, David.
*****************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.29pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
You really are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.
****************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.58pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject:Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
****************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a fucking smart arse about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few fucking hours.
*****************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.25pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype which would have taken me a few hours and fifteen years experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don’t ask me to design them a logo, pie charts or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately though, as your business model consists entirely of “Facebook is cool, I am going to make a website just like that”, this non exchange of free services has no foundation as you offer nothing of which I wont ask for.
Regards, David.
*****************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
What the fuck is your point? Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?
******************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.02pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
********************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.13pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Do not ever email me again.
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.19pm
To: Simon Edhouse
******************************************************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know.
Regards, David.
*****************************************************
******************************************************
As taken from the original post, written by David Thorne>>>
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 2.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Logo Design
Hello David,
I would like to catch up as I am working on a really exciting project at the moment and need a logo designed. Basically something representing peer to peer networking. I have to have something to show prospective clients this week so would you be able to pull something together in the next few days? I will also need a couple of pie charts done for a 1 page website. If deal goes ahead there will be some good money in it for you.
Simon
*************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 3.52pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.
Regards, David.
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 4.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Logo Design
Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? I told you the previous projects did not go ahead. I invested a lot more time and energy in those projects than you did. If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.
*************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 5.27pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
You are correct and I apologise. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.
I would no doubt find your ideas more ‘cutting edge’ and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950’s but as it stands, your ideas for technology based projects, that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them, fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer to peer networking technology to shame as not only would it have commercial viability, but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.
Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.
Regards, David.
**************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.
****************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1.36pm
To: Simon EdhouseSubject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.
When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light so I constructed a time machine by securing my father’s portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the footpath at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report “Cause of accident?” I stated ‘time travel attempt’ but she wrote down ’stupidity’.
If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wielding the business plan equivalent of a retarded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon LeBon’s the day before a large family gathering.
Regards, David.
*****************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.29pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
You really are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.
****************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.58pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject:Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
****************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a fucking smart arse about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few fucking hours.
*****************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.25pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Dear Simon,
Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype which would have taken me a few hours and fifteen years experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don’t ask me to design them a logo, pie charts or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately though, as your business model consists entirely of “Facebook is cool, I am going to make a website just like that”, this non exchange of free services has no foundation as you offer nothing of which I wont ask for.
Regards, David.
*****************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
What the fuck is your point? Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?
******************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.02pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
********************************************************
From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.13pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Do not ever email me again.
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.19pm
To: Simon Edhouse
******************************************************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design
Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know.
Regards, David.
*****************************************************
******************************************************
As taken from the original post, written by David Thorne>>>
Kerala POLLICE !!
None other than the Mr Kodiyeri Balakrishnan,Home Minister of my state ( 100% literate and famous for the Kerala model) writing it wrong in an interactive board during the Inauguration of Cyber Forensic and Digital Analysis wing of the Kerala Pollice..ooops I mean Kerala Police ....
Nov 5, 2009
Eye Test !!!
EYE TEST
Look at the picture .........................
Have you noticed the girl in the background?
Noticed her bum? Well look at the picture carefully...if your answer is YES then go and see an OPTOMETRIST!!!
What you see is the shoulder of the girl taking the picture!!!
Oct 14, 2009
Oct 1, 2009
Tennis elbow !
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Manmohan says to Lal behind him, "my elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Lal replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten rupees... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Manmohan collects urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten rupees and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Manmohan began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. He hurried back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten rupees , pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs repair.
6. And if you don't stop playing your thing with your hands, your elbow will never get better.
Have a confused week end people !!!
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Lal replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten rupees... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Manmohan collects urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten rupees and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Manmohan began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. He hurried back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten rupees , pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs repair.
6. And if you don't stop playing your thing with your hands, your elbow will never get better.
Have a confused week end people !!!
Sep 23, 2009
Technology in invasion !!
with such gadgets in place, how long will it take the world to loose all its greenery ??? I feel really afraid to see this !!!
Sep 19, 2009
Shashi Tharoor and the Holy cows !!!
Shashi Tharoor said a sorry and got out of the cattle class controversy… Now he has himself became one holy cow, now that he REALLY “understands the sentiments of people”, and will become what his party wanted him to be… a politician …
It is not a fall for Mr Shashi Tharoor for whom the current job (the union minister of state for External affairs) isn’t any greater than the ones he has handled in the past… The holy cows that he serve is a group of self obsessed self important politico’s who survive on symbolisms and token gestures..
What, otherwise will explain economy class and train travel for Madam Sonia, her son HRH the crown prince of India and their pen pullers and palanquin bearers given the fact that when they travel their many SUV’s have to be taken, seats in and around the VIP’s will have to fly empty, they fly only with kith and kin, chamchas and cooks in attendance.. How much money is saved?
What otherwise will explain the tokenism in this much touted economy class travel as if it is as pathetic as the general class in the ordinary trains where most of Indians stacked like cattle travel without complaints and ado.. ?
What otherwise will explain the large palaces on which out MP’s ,Ministers and the ex MP’s and ministers live in Lutyens Delhi, spending money on fanfare and their pageantry .. P Lakshmi, a minister in this cabinet wants new toilets in every corner it seems, Prince Jyothiradiya Scindia wants Italian marbles everywhere in his palace ( His reverence to Italy has no bounds really!) and Mani shankar Iyer, the EX MP and EX Minister is simply refusing to quit his bungalow…. People have dumped him in the elections and yet…why the hell should we the tax payer pay for his luxury living..?
What otherwise will explain the shamelessness with which each minister spends on 16 personal staff and other paraphernalia and no holy cows daring to venture to cut the flab, even marginally?
What otherwise will explain the sycophancy with which the palace cleaners like Jayanthi Natarajan and door mats like Ashok Gehlot jumped into the fray with jealousy and contempt (on the rise of the man whom they can but envy only) , asking for his removal and resignation..? How many politicians will dare to go around the town and tear his own posters saying "its a beuatiful town, I dont want politics to disfigure it" ?
Is it not clear why this is happening? Will our politicians ever learn to take concrete steps to improve the cattle class ( yes majority of Indians live a life worse than cattles and that is true.. )than mere sloganeering and absurd enactments of tokenism?
Holy cows!!!
Sep 16, 2009
Sep 9, 2009
The father , the son and the holy spirit ...
The father who is the home minister of this state (called as God’s own country) his sons who are there in every news (most of them, bad and ugly news like land grabbing, mafia, money making, threatening, etc etc) and now the spirit of this man, named Paul George Muthoot, scion of the rich Muthoot family who was killed in the middle of the night by some un identified people…
It has all the ingredients of soap fiction… a handsome business man who is bachelor even at 32,
traveling with some goons and infamous goondas in their car and his driver following in his, stories of a lady and a cash bag (which later went missing), the murder and the gang or goons (known as quotation team here in this beautiful state of Kerala,where gang of goons are available freely to engage, who can be hired if you want to terrorize, kidnap, attack, black mail, de captivate or even kill any one of your choice, if you know the sons of the right persons…) who were going to kill some one else, stopping on the road and killing Paul George on some trivia, the Home ministers son’s and their friends being dragged on to this case, the media probe, investigation, sting operation et al, the flip flops of the police, the IG going to the press with the now infamous S shape knife, which he said was used for the killing , even before the post mortem was done ( How Miraculous isn’t it? ) the drama’s, the culprits hired and paraded whose mother says the whole story is a hoax and the S shape knife was planted, the doctor who wrote the post mortem is said to have re written it and the depth of the injury has become smaller than in the original… (ahem ahem) …..
Paul is lucky -at least after his death his actual injury got fabricated to a smaller one and hence less pain…the arrest dramas, stinking tales of police and their bosses acting in connivance with the goons (customer relation ship at its best) …. The courts slamming the IG, the police and the bosses, their private and business interests that rule the state and its state of affairs and stopping short of asking for a CBI probe…..the police investigating allegations against its own deeds like “planting of evidence” ……how interesting …!
It is all amusing for sure, but more amusing is the silence from the dead man’s family… for all the investigation drama and ruckus, for all the mud slinging and riot from an equally corrupt opposition, the Muthoot’s have maintained a strange silence…
The actual culprits will never be found out for sure and all the media attention will die down…
The tale of the unholy nexus between the goons, politicians, police and the business men will go on while in the case the suspense is now taking an S shape…
It has all the ingredients of soap fiction… a handsome business man who is bachelor even at 32,
traveling with some goons and infamous goondas in their car and his driver following in his, stories of a lady and a cash bag (which later went missing), the murder and the gang or goons (known as quotation team here in this beautiful state of Kerala,where gang of goons are available freely to engage, who can be hired if you want to terrorize, kidnap, attack, black mail, de captivate or even kill any one of your choice, if you know the sons of the right persons…) who were going to kill some one else, stopping on the road and killing Paul George on some trivia, the Home ministers son’s and their friends being dragged on to this case, the media probe, investigation, sting operation et al, the flip flops of the police, the IG going to the press with the now infamous S shape knife, which he said was used for the killing , even before the post mortem was done ( How Miraculous isn’t it? ) the drama’s, the culprits hired and paraded whose mother says the whole story is a hoax and the S shape knife was planted, the doctor who wrote the post mortem is said to have re written it and the depth of the injury has become smaller than in the original… (ahem ahem) …..Paul is lucky -at least after his death his actual injury got fabricated to a smaller one and hence less pain…the arrest dramas, stinking tales of police and their bosses acting in connivance with the goons (customer relation ship at its best) …. The courts slamming the IG, the police and the bosses, their private and business interests that rule the state and its state of affairs and stopping short of asking for a CBI probe…..the police investigating allegations against its own deeds like “planting of evidence” ……how interesting …!
It is all amusing for sure, but more amusing is the silence from the dead man’s family… for all the investigation drama and ruckus, for all the mud slinging and riot from an equally corrupt opposition, the Muthoot’s have maintained a strange silence…
The actual culprits will never be found out for sure and all the media attention will die down…
The tale of the unholy nexus between the goons, politicians, police and the business men will go on while in the case the suspense is now taking an S shape…
NB:- I pray and hope that in this banana republic, I will not be given quotation for writing this... Amen !
Aug 28, 2009
Happy Onam !
Onam is here and this time Mahabali, the legendary king will have to take some extra precautions....
Any ways Happy Onam Folks !!!!
Aug 18, 2009
Indian tax system !!
Question 1.. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
Question 5: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX
Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory....
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes --
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No --
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Service / (s)?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax: Pay Gift TAX!
Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
21) INDIAN : Can I die now??
Ans :: Wait we are about to launch the funeral tax !!!
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
Question 5: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX
Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory....
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes --
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No --
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Service / (s)?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax: Pay Gift TAX!
Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
21) INDIAN : Can I die now??
Ans :: Wait we are about to launch the funeral tax !!!
Aug 13, 2009
Swine flu scare !!!
Its there every where , not the virus , but the scare... this but this the limits !!!!
Aug 7, 2009
Tributes !!!
Great losses for the Malayalam filmdom !!
Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep.....
He hath awakened from the dream of life'
Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep
With phantoms an unprofitable strife,
And in mad trance, strike with our spirit's knife
Invulnerable nothings. -We decay
Like corpses in a charnel; fear and grief
Convulse us and consume us day by day,
And cold hopes swarm like worms within our living clay.
The One remains, the many change and pass;
Heaven's light forever shines, Earth's shadows fly;
Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass,
Stains the white radiance of Eternity,
Until Death tramples it to fragments. - Die,
If thou wouldst be with that which thou dost seek!
Follow where all is fled! - Rome's azure sky,
Flowers, ruins, statues, music, words, are weak
The glory they transfuse with fitting truth to speak...
----- Adonaïs:- Percy Bysshe Shelley...
TRIBUTES >>>>!!!
Jul 25, 2009
A recession time interview !
Interesting.....Don't miss last two Questions... Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:
Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.
Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.
Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.
Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot..
Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.
Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.
Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.
Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.
Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.
Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.
Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.
Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayana Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.
Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc. will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.
Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.
Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.
Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.
Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot..
Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.
Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.
Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.
Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.
Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.
Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.
Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.
Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayana Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.
Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc. will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.
Jul 22, 2009
Jul 9, 2009
Micheal Jackson- Gone too soon !!!
I have had my share of Micheal jackson jokes here and every where I write and speak... But when he is gone, when one looks back , when one sit and see the outpour that the KING OF POP is getting from all the corners of the world I can only but bow my head in reverence. It is not a simple task to be what Micheal Jackson was. No one could ever be him, when he was alive and no one can ever be like him even after he is gone. MJ and the innovations in music that he bought with him will remain...
What a life man ..!!!
And what a farewell !!!
MJ was .....
Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon
Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon
Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night
Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon
Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon
Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon
Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night
Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon
Gone Too Soon.... !
Jul 3, 2009
Mayawati - the icon...
Mayawati is an ICON , at least that is what she seems to be told and beleives...
How will one other wise ,dare to indulge in a self importance parade of sorts where she spend a whopping 1000 crore in a damn disregard to even basic rules of public behavior, installing and unveilling a host of parks( where the rows of Elephants-her parties election symbol and her statues are the key features) ostensibly for Kanshiram who founded her party and the Great Dr Ambedkar ,on whose shoulders all this jokers still piggy ride ....
Mayawati is a symbol ......and for UP (which sure is in shock for having elected her) and India at large have got this realisation that for us the need of the hour is statues... more and more of them... Manmohan, Sonia, Advani all of them should make their own statues and unveil it shamelessly and declare that ICONS should be said that they are icons when they are alive... No matter how many people still go to bed- hungry and crying , no matter the diseases, the unemployement, no matter the basic things like roads, water and right to education...
Mayawati is a synonym .....for the rotten politician that India seems to be bearing in its weak shoulders for decades now... and how we still arent tired of this creeps and the filth and smell that they emit... It is a disgrace that the world is discussing an elected leader of an Indian state and her statue fetish and other self obsessed traits of megalomania...
Mayawati is a gesture ....for us to act...... the people of India to throw the baggage and burden of caste and creed which for the political class (Class ? EH>>>> ) has been all along a tool for exploitation... Has the life of the Dalits (bahujan as her party calls them ) improved in her rule?
Will they all get glory by this statue spree?
Will they get ecstasy when they stand half clad and half fed , seeing one of those statues, hoping to vote for Behenji again?
Will they get heaven if such bigots get to power again to build more statues and parks, have more birthday bashes and collect gifts, adore themselves in diamond ornaments and pretend like mideaval kings and queens...?
Mayawati is a Shame, an absolute one for the lack of even traits of humility that makes a leader, Lack of simple behaviour like the one Manmohan singh carries, Lack of mass appeal like LK Advani or for that matter the understanding of the issues of the common man that she represents...
The great Dr Ambedkar is made to stand next to her... Will some courts order at least the removal of them?
Paradox !!!
Let us keep praying, still....
Jun 29, 2009
a cheque!!!!
For Health ??
For Mid Day Meals Scheme ??
For Education ??
For Housing Board Construction ??
Then For What ??
This is a cheque given by the Tamil Nadu Govt.....
to ELCOT for purchase of televisions under the free television scheme ??
YES ,can you believe this ??
What a total waste of tax payer's money ??
For Mid Day Meals Scheme ??
For Education ??
For Housing Board Construction ??
Then For What ??
This is a cheque given by the Tamil Nadu Govt.....
to ELCOT for purchase of televisions under the free television scheme ??
YES ,can you believe this ??
What a total waste of tax payer's money ??
But this is India people.... it happens !!!
Jun 17, 2009
New generation Ramayan Narration !!
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it... "So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or somethin’, was kind of a bitch with a real mean ass attitude, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude Ram, to some real kick ass woods or some national reserve forest or somethin’... Since he was going, for like, somethin’ like more than 10 years or so... he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together. But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so I guess it was cool. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And Boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... all the Gods were with him...
So anyways, you don't mess with Gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained them damn monkeys... just go along with me, OK...??? So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood... Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks....
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."
The mother fainted...
So anyways, you don't mess with Gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained them damn monkeys... just go along with me, OK...??? So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood... Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks....
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."
The mother fainted...
Jun 3, 2009
May 28, 2009
May 18, 2009
What Mahinda did and India didnt...!!!
Prayers that he did, tough action that he and his generals ventured into and the act when got together, vanquished one of the most dreaded terror outfits and its autocratic leader ship which began with a cause but deviated and ended up in self importance and impunity with which it even killed and exterminated its own leadership....
Prabhakaran but would be remembered as the one man , who stood for a cause and made sure that the guys with he fought acknowledged the issue. Mahinda Rajapaksha on the other hand for sure would be remembered as the One man who finally did it, and proved that there can be no organisation ,however funded, equipped and supported from outside, that can survive, when the STATE has the will otherwise..
India salutes both the causes and I hope the new rulers here (OLD ones with the new mandate) take a lesson or two from the small Sri Lankan army who did the most impossible thing....
The Eelam dream has thus formally come to an end...May the souls rest in peace and never come back to destroy peace !!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
