Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules " From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules " From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
********** 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
************
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
************
1. Crying is blackmail.
************
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
************
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
************
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
************
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
************
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
************
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
************
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
************
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
************
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
************
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
************
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
************
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
************
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
************
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
************
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .
************
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
************
1. You have enough clothes.
************
1. You have too many shoes.
************
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
************
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
Nov 24, 2008
Nov 20, 2008
Housefly!!!
This is a cross post and was originally published in full2faltu where I write as a guest writer....
Gowri is just 6, my daughter and yet she has grown up to the world of ads and advertising. No shocks for me because next to her dads funny face and her moms tolerance of the same, the most seen thing for her was ads and ads only. When she cried (for no reason as most kids do) I showed her ads in my PC and she became contented, quite a satisfied baby. She beamed and giggled at the characters, their drama and expressions she owned and imitated with precision.
My best friend (who happens to be of communist thinking) accused me always of compulsorily growing her up as a consumerist neo gen kid with no real world dilemma. For me but, it began as a tool to engage my nagging child, later on what I admit got graduated into an easy tool to entertain her.
The allegation of making a capitalist doll out of her, made us (me and my wife) think of other kinds of amusements to keep her glad but alas, in vain. My singing was not that engaging to her, proven by the fact that she cried even more wildly and underlining my wife’s theory that ‘you are a good singer only for your ears’. Her tricks of entertainment didn’t work either but I never ventured or dared to prove any theory for want of harmony in family life.
At 6 this girl analyses ads more capably than her Dad ever did, and finds fault in most of them. Of course she does not classify them as BEKAR and/or the BEST but she stops almost close to it. And she does a better job I swear, in truly seeing the best as the best and the bekar as bekar. She has no axes to grind and no one to please or no point to attest. She is frank and open in her smiles, her frown and her admiration accordingly when and where an ad deserves it. The Indian consumer has arrived?
She was taken to school for admission a couple of years back. The schools of these days are in spite all the court orders funny places to be. If you have had been in one for a kid’s admission process you will know what I mean. They have panel of interviewers ( you heard it right.. a three or more in numbers panel) whose only obvious intention is to petrify the kid and haul out the parent does a wonderful job in sending you back with frustration, anger, apathy and seamless jealousy at the rich parents and their lucky kids. Mad rush for an LKG seat made me ponder as to how easy is it in India to get a seat in a B school. It really is if you see it relatively. At least the selection process has some reason and rationale…..
Her turn came and she walked in wonderfully valiant and unperturbed, neither by the panel inside and their spiteful looks nor by the frenzy outside and the din that they created.
Sit down.. Said the large madam who was over weight, over aged, over made up and looked over suspicious…
Thank you … said the little one making us proud.
They signaled us to sit as well in a sofa a bit away from the interview table.
I sat with ease of having got to see this drama where my daughter was the heroine (or villain?) and my wife with her heart pounding as if this was a life or death issue for the little one….
What is your name? The old man asked….
He is the chairman of the trust… my wife murmured…. How I hope she answered it right…
Gowri Raajya Laxmi .. the little one replied and my wife released a loud sigh…
What is your father’s name? Pat came the next question..
She didn’t reply… I stared at my wife as if it was her mistake…( the pun is not intended )
Heart thumping went up…
It is ok….. said the other man in the panel….
It is not ok…. You 200 year old toilet brush… I muttered to myself… I had taught her and made her repeat it a hundred times and yet… my girl…
What is your mother’s name? asked one….
She didn’t even think for a second before yelling…Laxmy Sabu…..
What is your mother? Asked the Madam in a baritone that would put even the Big B to shame….
Here, she got confused… WHAT…? What is what….
House wife.. house wife… my wife garbled in a pinnacle of nervousness….
Housefly… said Gowri and smirked….
WHAT?… The panel shrieked in unison…..
The girl didn’t answer, and perhaps the panel got the perplexity that bewildered the poor little thing….
Whom do you like the most?… came the next question…
I smiled… it’s me … its got to be me.. After all I was the one who called her all the pet names in the world… treated her like and angel vis a vis her mom who tried to teach her discipline at the age of 4.
The PUG.. She said with a loud voice and a large smile….
WHAT? Shouted the Large madam…
The pug… she repeated and looked at the panel, straight into their old eyes, with an expression that made them feel ashamed and wriggle in discomfort…
You haven’t seen the pug?… happy to help ?… she became eloquent and waited for an answer…
Well yeah,,,, well… yeah but…. The panel looked like a shattered army….
You know Bingo? She asked them
Bingo… my lord… yelled my wife as she pinched and punched my thighs angrily, hinting that I was guilty for this manifestation of spoilt behaviour …
Gowri looked sad at the end of the interview, not that the panel was not wise enough to select her but that they golden oldies didn’t know bingo… not even the pug… she was happy to help them but they weren’t ready to take it…they weren’t mature enough…
She watches more ads today and is in a better school than the one which rejected her for being what she was. One day I guess she will become an Ad professional, like her Dad who left the profession half way to become an academic....
One day….
Gowri is just 6, my daughter and yet she has grown up to the world of ads and advertising. No shocks for me because next to her dads funny face and her moms tolerance of the same, the most seen thing for her was ads and ads only. When she cried (for no reason as most kids do) I showed her ads in my PC and she became contented, quite a satisfied baby. She beamed and giggled at the characters, their drama and expressions she owned and imitated with precision.
My best friend (who happens to be of communist thinking) accused me always of compulsorily growing her up as a consumerist neo gen kid with no real world dilemma. For me but, it began as a tool to engage my nagging child, later on what I admit got graduated into an easy tool to entertain her.
The allegation of making a capitalist doll out of her, made us (me and my wife) think of other kinds of amusements to keep her glad but alas, in vain. My singing was not that engaging to her, proven by the fact that she cried even more wildly and underlining my wife’s theory that ‘you are a good singer only for your ears’. Her tricks of entertainment didn’t work either but I never ventured or dared to prove any theory for want of harmony in family life.
At 6 this girl analyses ads more capably than her Dad ever did, and finds fault in most of them. Of course she does not classify them as BEKAR and/or the BEST but she stops almost close to it. And she does a better job I swear, in truly seeing the best as the best and the bekar as bekar. She has no axes to grind and no one to please or no point to attest. She is frank and open in her smiles, her frown and her admiration accordingly when and where an ad deserves it. The Indian consumer has arrived?
She was taken to school for admission a couple of years back. The schools of these days are in spite all the court orders funny places to be. If you have had been in one for a kid’s admission process you will know what I mean. They have panel of interviewers ( you heard it right.. a three or more in numbers panel) whose only obvious intention is to petrify the kid and haul out the parent does a wonderful job in sending you back with frustration, anger, apathy and seamless jealousy at the rich parents and their lucky kids. Mad rush for an LKG seat made me ponder as to how easy is it in India to get a seat in a B school. It really is if you see it relatively. At least the selection process has some reason and rationale…..
Her turn came and she walked in wonderfully valiant and unperturbed, neither by the panel inside and their spiteful looks nor by the frenzy outside and the din that they created.
Sit down.. Said the large madam who was over weight, over aged, over made up and looked over suspicious…
Thank you … said the little one making us proud.
They signaled us to sit as well in a sofa a bit away from the interview table.
I sat with ease of having got to see this drama where my daughter was the heroine (or villain?) and my wife with her heart pounding as if this was a life or death issue for the little one….
What is your name? The old man asked….
He is the chairman of the trust… my wife murmured…. How I hope she answered it right…
Gowri Raajya Laxmi .. the little one replied and my wife released a loud sigh…
What is your father’s name? Pat came the next question..
She didn’t reply… I stared at my wife as if it was her mistake…( the pun is not intended )
Heart thumping went up…
It is ok….. said the other man in the panel….
It is not ok…. You 200 year old toilet brush… I muttered to myself… I had taught her and made her repeat it a hundred times and yet… my girl…
What is your mother’s name? asked one….
She didn’t even think for a second before yelling…Laxmy Sabu…..
What is your mother? Asked the Madam in a baritone that would put even the Big B to shame….
Here, she got confused… WHAT…? What is what….
House wife.. house wife… my wife garbled in a pinnacle of nervousness….
Housefly… said Gowri and smirked….
WHAT?… The panel shrieked in unison…..
The girl didn’t answer, and perhaps the panel got the perplexity that bewildered the poor little thing….
Whom do you like the most?… came the next question…
I smiled… it’s me … its got to be me.. After all I was the one who called her all the pet names in the world… treated her like and angel vis a vis her mom who tried to teach her discipline at the age of 4.
The PUG.. She said with a loud voice and a large smile….
WHAT? Shouted the Large madam…
The pug… she repeated and looked at the panel, straight into their old eyes, with an expression that made them feel ashamed and wriggle in discomfort…
You haven’t seen the pug?… happy to help ?… she became eloquent and waited for an answer…
Well yeah,,,, well… yeah but…. The panel looked like a shattered army….
You know Bingo? She asked them
Bingo… my lord… yelled my wife as she pinched and punched my thighs angrily, hinting that I was guilty for this manifestation of spoilt behaviour …
Gowri looked sad at the end of the interview, not that the panel was not wise enough to select her but that they golden oldies didn’t know bingo… not even the pug… she was happy to help them but they weren’t ready to take it…they weren’t mature enough…
She watches more ads today and is in a better school than the one which rejected her for being what she was. One day I guess she will become an Ad professional, like her Dad who left the profession half way to become an academic....
One day….
Nov 14, 2008
the Washerman, the Donkey and the Dog...
Old version…
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.
One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.
The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
..
..
..
.Now the new version of the story.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
.
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.
He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.
He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.
Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…
If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story.
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.
One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.
The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
..
..
..
.Now the new version of the story.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
.
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.
He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.
He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.
Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…
If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story.
Nov 10, 2008
Management lessons !
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . .
The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . .
The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
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